i did something funni to my class 2dae

finali i tink i haf found the way to get my norm tech n mayb other classes to keep quiet n do my work....went to 1A3 and did something funni
made e whole class stand for 30min...cos dey v noisy
den blasted those tt still can play while standing n those tt duno how to stand properly...
e whole class quite stunned and for e first time in 2 wks, i finali got the silent n peace i had always wanted in my tech classes...
den i managed to make dem do their hw...
cos i sae if 1 din do, all will stand for the lesson...so if u wan to sabo the whole class....
n make every1 stand bcos u din do hw, pls go ahead....
den suddenli all started to do hw
n not bad...quite effective
was damned shag 2dae...n last nite too....
slept e afternoon away 2dae....
den at nite teach tuition
tmr morning got scholarship stuff....
i need my slp

m i doing too many things?

went to visit my grandma yesterdae in the afternoon....
suddenly felt that she had aged alot liao...
her hair oso v long liao....abit carn recognise her....
n once again, i only stayed for a while...cos she asked me to leave....
her mood v bad dix few wks...
or mayb she alr carn remember who i m....
was toking to her yesterdae online....
she asked me if it's worthwhile to keep myself so so occupied?
i duno e ans....but i tot of tt qn e whole nite....
my wkly prog is like....
everydae (mon to fri) - relief teaching until ard 3pm....
thur n fri nite is tkd...wed nite is tuition....sat afternoon n morning is tuition too....
wkend oso is for preparing next wk teaching materials...
sun morning is for bball wif my cousins....
normally wkdae evenings r either for run or wts trg...(alternate daes if i can)
n now i still got nuh volunteer work....scholarships stuff....learn guitar....
n yesterdae i almost went to sign up for a 420km charity bike to desaru frm 27 to 29 may...
but i din in e end cos e trg reali take up too much of my time...
was pretty stressed yesterdae nite cos it seem to me tt i got alot of things to do n i cant complete dem....
my neighbour sae i slim down alot....mayb cos i m doing too many things liao...
but like wat i told her...
i m on a rd of no return....der's no way i can turn back in time...
it's nvm possible for anythings...
so since i have started doing those things liao...i jux need to brave it thru and hope i can take it...
finali received an sms frm natsteel informing me tt i m shortlisted for the 2nd round of interview...tink it's final round if i m not wrong...
hope i can make it thru tt round too...

great match

went to watch liverpool vs everton match at ben's hse yesterdae wif e guys....
great match, great company....
ch, yuhao, larry, ben, enyu n jy were der.....
had fun....n not bad i managed to finished marking the MCQ portion of my assignment WS for sec 1 express....
first time marking papers.....felt so funny....
duno if i got make mistakes esp when i m pretty distracted by the soccer match....
after tt was supper at bukit panjang and we sat der chatting past midnite....
luckili larry drove.....hence i reached home at ard 1 am.....
managed to drag myself out of my bed this morning to play bball....
haven play for a long time and hence i tink i sucks now....
need more practise......
so afternoon wat sld i do?
go visit my grandma, go my cousin's place to zap WS, mark my papers,
type out my sec 1 norm tech test paper....n mayb prepare my ppt slides for e sec 3 norm acad next chapter....
sound like a lot of things....

nuh visit

finali i started my first step in my nuh volunteer work together wif zhichao....
went for a orientation....tot onli a few pple....
hence me and zhichao was quite shocked when we saw a rm filled wif pple....
4 guys and e rest r gers.....
den was a intro, den indicate wat we wanted to do for the diff activities and lastly a short interaction wif the social workers.....
me put playing wif kids patients as my first chioce...cos i dun tink i can handle adults and elderly...and i haf always prefer to deal wif kids....cos dey r more innocent....
next was lunch wif zhichao at bukit panjang plaza....ate kfc....so hapi....
then was tuition.....n after tt i went home to prepare my teaching materials...
jux finished 2 ws for the sec 3 norm acad....
need to type a test for sec 1 norm tech n mark 2 assignment for my sec 1 express b4 i can call it a dae for this wk....
so shag man....
but looking forward to the merseyside derby ltr at ben's hse.....wif e guys....
will b great man....
i tell myself....
i wont allow me to live in boredom n haf no life even when i m busy wif my teaching,
i will make time for my grandma ( i haven visit her this wk, going tmr), my frens, my fitness, my volunteer work, my tkd, my guitar, my famili etc....
even if tt means i slp less....

my mood is bad

1st wk of my relief teacher career ended....
conclusion.....3 out of my 6 classes r interested in learning....
e rest, i dun wan to gif much a damned liao....
i tried for 1 wk....
i m tired....i even realises that i m losing my temper more easili and i am losing my patience alot more easili...
was tutoring my cousin jux now....dun tink she's putting in effort...
den my tone got quite fierce...den she abit scared...almost wanted to cry i tink....
mayb cos i m sick of witnessing pple not paying attention and putting in effort....
but mayb bcos it's a fri nite...so abit restless?
i duno
i m jux sorry tt i scared her and almost lost my temper den....
unless i go to my gd classes, if not basicali i m shouting in other lessons....
somehow felt tt i haf changed alot.....n mayb something like cut off frm this world.....
everydae i will teach....den go home n prepare next dae lesson....sometimes i will go for tkd....
my wkend is spent giving tuition n preparing next wk lesson....
i dun mind spending e time...but who appreciates it?
i dun wan to waste my time....
a run this afternoon did me some gd....felt better den.....
but when i reached home n saw my parents quarrelling, suddenli i m jux so sian wif life....
so sian tt i feel like i can jux leave my hse and go out to survive on my own....
i m jux so sian wif everything...
tink i m a loser and i haf not done anything in my life....
i m down and out.....very....
i need to tok to someone.....but no one is der.....
i m losing focus again....
tink she quite hapi now....got a bf to luv her n dote her n someone tt she can tok to....

1st dae as a teacher

i will sum it up as a fuck up experience....
totally low morale after all my 3 lessons ended....even tot of quitting e job....
n now i finali noe y e previous teacher wanted to change his career frm a teacher to a engineer...
cos he cant take it...
it's not e work load...cos i tink i haf experienced more workload in e army den dix....
e workload is quite relax as i sorted dem out
but e students reali sucks....
or mayb i suck at controlling dem...
i duno wat i can do to dem....
desperately wanted to avoid my army mentality
cos it's not e army...
if i were in e army n my men were like e students i saw 2dae....
i will charge all of dem n send dem to db to wake up their farking idea...
esp e sec 1 classes...
i tot e sec 3a2 was bad...but after i went to the sec 1 class...
i felt tt e sec 3 class actuali not tt bad....sec 1 was rowdy n childlish....
mayb pri sch will b better
more innocent....i duno
i still got a long way to go.....10 wks....
mux b positive
if not life will b v bad...n i will b suffering for e next 10 wks if i choose to stay der....
hope tmr will b better

interview

ok...2dae was pretty ok
i went to clementi town sec in e morning....
to c my 'upperstudy'....n find out abit more things frm him...
and suddenly it sound like i got alot of work to do....
so much tt i was a bit confused den n duno how to get started or how to sort out my tots...
so i sat in e staff rm n flipped thru e materials n tink silentli how to do a gd job...
but i m still not sure....din reali amke frens wif e rest of e teachers but got e feeling tt dey r v fun b to wif...
thou e age gap seem quite big...i m e 2nd youngest der...der was another ger who's 19 this yr...
she's quite friendli n quite nice to tok to...
tmr is my first dae n i duno wat is in stall for me...
tok abit to mr hung too, my former form teacher in sec 2
den i went for my natsteel interview....n e verdit is i feel gd after e whole thing....
first was a corporate video...
den a essay writing, followed by some physcological test...
next up was a short tea break where we mingled with 2 scholars....
after tt, it's discussion time where we were given topics and we discuss abt it n e interviewers jux sat der n listened....
following tt, dey will proceed on to e interview....however not all will get selected for e interview...
i was lucky enuf...
n dey make me feel comfortable enuf n dey looked pretty satisfied wif me....
we joked too....it was v relax and i tink i haf impressed dem enuf....hope it's true....

it's being so long

actuali i carn remember when's e last time i blog
was pretty busy studying e last few days....
me finali got a job....relief teacher at clementi town sec...
tink will b a gd experience....albeit a challenge....
will i b a gd teacher?
after this i will noe....
jobs started to pour in...soon after i accepted the relief teaching job,
recruit express called, starhub called, vp of shuqun sec called, n a few tuition lobang..mostly pri sch...
but me not reali interested....n yeah
i finali get to teach econ tuition...
an indian ger at bp...charge 25 per hr
quite cheap....but nvm la...me no experience...e next one i will charge more if i tink i m quite gd liao by den....
actuali hope to find 1 or 2 more students....either math or econ...
den tink i can survive pretty ok financially even wifout a scholarship...
thou if can get a scholarship, i dun mind...
tink spent quite abit this mth...cos alot of pple bdae...
my mum, jie ying, enyu, james, ch, des, ching....
plus i bought guitar for my sis....
n i oso splurge on clothes...120bucks at g2000
partli cos i m going to teach den not enuf clothes...
mux stop spending so much....n control myself

it fair....crowd control

tink haven blog for some time liao....
spent my wkend working at the it fair as a crowd control / security guard personnel...
it's jux for the experience and tink once is gd enuf liao...
cos prefer things tt will aid in my development....n perhaps such jobs don't...
but i mux sae tt it's alwaes fun doing wif the guys....dey r jux fun to b wif...
e times in e army perhaps made me more used to giving orders n b e one in charge...
hmm...security job sucks....i tink....
tink basicali i m paid 6 an hr to stand der n look at gers n ans stupid qn like where's carrefour, where e bk sale...where's e hush puppies sale....etc...
got numb looking at gers....
n e onli thing tt came to my mind when i c e gers was tt i m still proud to intro her as my gf to anyone...but it's all over liao la....mux face e fact n not run away frm it....
witnessed a surprise change in me....
in e past, when c a ger ( when i m still not wif her yet), i will like tink wah it will b gd if she's my gf....
but now....to me, it's jux any other ger in this world....i m contented to haf her....
but like wat i sae...past is past liao...
if i can stay single for so long b4 i found her...perhaps i can do it again...
going for a run ltr...sun is gd....

bdae wish

actuali on the plane to taiwan on 29 nov 2005....
i made a birthdae wish...tink this e first time i made a bdae wish....
pple used to sae tt u carn sae out ur bdae wish...if not it will not happen...
i din sae out until noe...but still it din cum true....
sld i sae it out?
e phone rang...but it's for my sis....
c dun expect too much n e hurt wont b so great

not expecting much

called her jux now....
almost carn recognise her voice....was stunned to hear her voice....duno y cos i m e one who called her....
n she sae she got 2nd line....
so i hang up....
not expecting her to call me or sms me to ask y i called her....
tink she will act blur live longer ba...
or mayb i m a pessimistic person?
anything tt turn out gd is a beautiful surprise....
learn guitar 2dae....quite ok....carn ask for much liao....
den did some wts...n went for a 5km run....
quite bad...cos tink haven recover fully frm my flu....but nvm la....
jux wack...wont die...who cares???

enjoy my tkd trg 2dae....

tink during the trg, when i vent my frustration thru kicking the target pad, i felt better....
but at the end of the trg, when i was sitting der, staring into the empty spaces, i was abit sad again....
did a bit of sparring wif titus, sky and den ltr triangle sparring wif sky n ronald....
footsteps still quite slow but at least i can c improvement....tink by july, i will look n b like a belt black.....one tt can reali fight....
james' wife going hospital ltr....going to gif birth soon....gd luck to them....hope it's a cute babi and both r safe....
den after the trg end liao...titus sae his key on the 2nd floor...but all the doors r locked...
so i climbed the fragile water pipe up to the 2nd floor...
sky tried first...but failed...
so my turn....
e pipe damned fragile lor....when i was high up der...i was tinking if i fall....haha...
tt's it...confirm go hospital...den she will cum hospital n scold me....
but somehow or rather, i m safe n i managed to get to 2nd floor and back safely...
but it's not something tt i wan to try again....

y e strikers jux carn score???

fark man....i woke up 2dae and immediately went online to check the score of liverpool vs benfica match, onli to realise that liverpool lose....
y carn the strikers jux score for god's sake....
i m oso getting quite frustrated wif dem liao....
will liverpool win anything this season?
my mood is not gd 2dae....not gd since yesterdae nite...
duno y..mood swing? pms?
finished my medicine liao...but e cough is still der....
gana nagged by my dad again for not drinking water.....not taking pi pa gao....
almost carn take it anymore...
i try 2 b sensible...but duno y i carn....
when i was wif her, i can...
i need someone der to tell me not to b upset at my parents concern for me....
she did it in the past.....but now she's not der n i carn tink again....stupid me....
i was nvm so reliant on any ger, not even zhilei....
i mux stop this reliance....
will go for tkd trg 2nite to vent my frustration....but no sandbag for me to kick....


i know, on some deep level down there, that i will never be able to let go. even if i'm with someone else i'll still be remembering you. i'll probably get lynched if this ever got out to someone
but i guess, i really cant help it.its such an endless cycle. i'm beginning to think that getting someone is preferrable to being caught in this prison, this cage of eternity that i have created for myself.
but if only someone comes along and steals my heart away, if only for a moment, i would be satisfied.
i told them today: its only something that you can't have, that you desires the most.its never been more true.
someone, for me to care about, and in return, care about me.
someone, whom i will forgive for even the biggest mistakes, because i cannot bear to give her up.
someone, who does not always agree with me, but will tell me my mistakes.
someone, whom i will call to say a simple 'good night, dear'
someone, who is able to relieve my stresses and whom i will be able to relieve stress from.
someone, who will give me freedom when i desire and need it.
someone, who will take me for what i am, and not what she wants me to be.and,
someone, who will never be reading this.

above is jack's blog....
now qn to all my frens....let's c how well u noe me....can anyone guess my tots after reading this?
sld b easy....i m a easy person to understand...cos i dun like to hide much

so sian

getting fatter...one wk din exercise liao...carn take it...duno y i took so long to recover frm this stupid flu...
need to start sweat it out...n get back the muscle i gain for the past 1 mth plus
din go n c grandma dis wk...sick den dun dare to go cos dun wan her to get sick too...
tot going to work from thur to sun...den luke sms n sae onli needed during wkend...
haiz..morale drop lor...partly bcos of e lost of income...e other reason is i wan something to keep myself occupied...maebi u can guess y...
so guess i m going for my tkd tmr nite and maebi do some running in the afternoon...duno my bodi can take it anot....
will start to take my antibiotic for ance tmr...so let c if der's a diff after 1 mth
i m so bored...duno wat to blog liao....

i duno wat to sae

still abit sick...e flu pill damned power lor...like slping pill...
keep making me feel slping and i can slp like hrs after eating it...
like sun nite, i doze off at 9 pm and i slept for 12 to 13 hrs b4 i woke up....den after my breakfast and newspaper, i slp again....like a pig lor...
settle my nus application 2dae...
still left a few scholarships applications to settle and i m done le...
saw the news tt inter milan and real madrid wanted benitez as their manager...
n benitez onli request to stay at liverpool is the board give him 30 million pounds to spend during the next transfer season...
hope liverpool board agree to it...cos tink benitez is the onli manager tt can make liverpool successful again...dun wan to c him leave...
a few more daes to ord liao...
rested for ard 6 wks...tink din reali spent these 6 wks well...
losing all my fitness and the muscle i gained during this break...mux find dem back soon...

saw a stupid news on the new paper 2dae

some gers school dun allow the gers to wear color bra and if dey did wear, the sch will confiscated the bra and the students will either haf to go bra-less for the whole dae even when they go home or go to the sch bkshop to buy a white bra...
partli bcos the sch shirt is white based den dey sae it's a distraction and attract unnecessary attention...
but den dun the teachers demselves wear white shirt n color bra at times too?
n jux walk ard s'pore...so many pple wearing color bra plus white shirt n no one sae anything...
so wat's the difference...
it's jux basic human right to decide wat u wan to wear...n basic freedom in this democratic society...
den a few daes ago, my cousin came my hse n made a din...
den from wat i heard, it's bcos his dad (which is my uncle) went to ask some god abt my cousin's gf and 'god' sae that the the gf is a bad ger...n my uncle believe it n wanted my cousin to leave his gf, if not my cousin will jux get out of the hse n dun cum back...
so my cousin choose to leave the hse...
tink my uncle damned stupid...
the 'god' oso human....n whether or not the ger is a gd ger, u jux need to noe her n soon u can make a judgement urself...
sometimes hate the older generation for being so superstitious...

sick again

damned it man, i m down wif a farking flu...
my nose super blocked...carn breathe...feel so sick....y m i sick again?
she scolded me for not drinking enuf water...
but tot i drank quite a bit liao...maebi not enuf ba..since i exercise so much recentli...
went for facial 2dae wif edgar cos got pimple outbreak...damned bad...
tok abit to the guy who is doing my face...quite nice....n he taught me a few things abt taking care of my face...
seem more detailed n spent more time on my face...unlike the previous 2 guys who did my face b4....
quite satisfied wif the facial 2dae....
watch the last episode of 'survivors' law'...
nice show...miracle happened for dem...but it dun happen all the time...
dis wk din exercise much lor...a 5km run on tue...
wts on mon n wed...abit of tkd on thur...den sick liao...
sian...tink i sld go rest soon...

Boulevard of Br0kenn Dreams

i walk a lonely road
the only one that i have ever known
dont know where it goes
but its home to me and i walk alone
i walked this empty street
on the Boulevard of Br0ken Dreams
where the city sleeps
and im the only one and i walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
my shad0w's the 0nly one that walks beside me
my shall0w heart's the only one that's beating
sometimes i wish someone out theree will find me
till then i walk alone
im walkingg down the line
that divides me somewhere in my mind
on the border line of the edge
and where i walk alone
read between the lines
whats fucked up
and everything's all right
check my vital signs
to know im still alive
and i walked alone.
i walk alone
i walk alone.
i walk alone
i walk a...
my shad0w'sthe only one that walks beside me
my shall0w heart's the only one that's beating
sometimes i wish someone out there will find me
till then i walk alone.
i walked this empty street
on the Boulevard of Br0kenn Dreams
where the city sleeps
and im the only one and i walk alone.
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
my shad0w's the 0nly one that walks beside me
myy shall0w heart's the only one that's beating
sometimes i wish someone out there will find me
till then i walk alone.