pre-flight blues

duno y but feeling v down 2dae
mayb it's bcos i m flying in another few hrs time n i m not reali prepared to fly...
no mood to go taiwan for trg
esp since we r going wif the new co....
duno y keep having the feelings that things will go wrong in taiwan...

actuali i hope tt i can c winnie one more time b4 i fly...
but guess it's better not to....
2dae is my cousin's bdae and tmr is my bdae....
haiz...y m i going to taiwan..

can i dun go???

swordbearer quite fun

hmm
did swordbearer for bennie on sat at swissotel at clarke quay
quite fun
it's an gd experience
first n most prob the last time in full gear no 1 attire...

earli bdae

went out the whole dae

went harbour front to met winnie...
she sae she got something to pass to me....
my bdae present and it's the bracelet tt i like...
quite ex thou n tink it had burnt a hole in her wallet...
had dix strange feeling when i c her...
mayb it's bcos we jux broke up n it feels funny to c her cos the feelings is der...
actuali i was looking forward to celebrating my bdae wif her...
but we broke up so no more liao
very sad...the present serves as a memory ba
will bring it to taiwan wif me...

after tt, i had dinner wif my jc claz...
sort of like celebrated my bdae...
got ice cream cake...quite nice...
quite touched...=p

break up

i look forward to the date wif dear 2dae n i din expect it to end it in that manner...
the shopping was nice...we went orchard...trying to shop for my tie and shirt...thou i din get any in the end...but it was nice being wif her...

she told me a lot of things when i sent her home....
wat i sense over the last wk is not wrong...
she is feeling troubled and she is cold towards me n i finali noe y 2dae....

she told me tt she still got feelings for her ex and she felt is v unfair to me....
she sae tt her ex noe her better and there's a missing linkage between us compare to her n her ex...she sae tt i dun understand her as well as her ex...
she is very troubled...she dun noe wat to do...
i m not a gd bf as i had initiali tot...
she sae i wan freedom n she tried to change herself to accomodate me but i dun wan her to change....
she sae der r time when she sae she dun mind me not having time for her when actuali she's not v comfortable wif it...
i dun blame her....
i have not been understanding enuf....
she sae tt her ex was able to console her when she's down n she felt the bond when he console her...i was not able to do tt...

i saw the tears in her eyes...
i hate to make her cry...she's a nice ger...she din do anything wrong...
i haven cried for a long time and 2dae i did....
i wished i can cried out loud....

2dae was 21 nov 05 and we started on the 2 aug 05...
3 mthx and 19 daes n is this the end?
she asked if i m gifing her up?
i duno how to ans...
i hate to give her up...i swear...

she asked if i had eva like her b4....
i swear i did like her b4 but perhaps u duno how much u like tt person until u gave her up...
now i noe...i reali like her....
she will be hapier wif her ex...

let me b the bad guy dear....i dun wan u to feel bad...
mayb i will feel better if u hate me....

thx for the memories n hapi moments...

luv u dear winnie...

shock

came back home on fri n my aunt told me a shokcing news...
my 2nd aunt's husband got liver cancer...
y the hell is cancer striking every one???
carn it jux stop
wonder how my aunt and cousins are coping wif dix now...

damned busy wk in camp...
work n work n work n coc parade...
shiming joined the spartans famili
at least it will b more fun now...

finali start to clear leave liao thou i onli clear 6 out of the 9 daes i need to clear by end dix yr....
at least i get started..

hope my uncle recovers

i m so frustrated

y does my dad nag at almost everything i do...
he seem to wan to lead my life...
wan to plan my life according to his idea...
der's a huge gap between us....

wat's wrong wif bathing at nite after exercise?
i dun c anything wormg wif it...
if der's something wrong wif it, den i tink der's a big prob wif the saf...
carn stand those old generation super out-of-date tinking...
i dun wan to change them n i wont let dem change me...

i wan to lead the life i wan to lead...

getting frustrated wif work

hmm..for the 2 wks tt half the bn was in taiwan,
me and ks worked our butts out and we are damned pissed wif it cos
if someone bothered to spend effort in doing up his trg programme,
we wont haf so much shit to clean for him...
n it's reali alot of shit
onli b2 and s2 saw the hard work that we put in.....

n wat i can sae now is that...if that someone still sae ' it always i for u n not u for me ' or if S3 kaobei anything,
i will sae 'since it's never i 4 u, den i guess whether i m still a dyS3 or not, it does matter n i wan to transfer to td br, at least i felt treated like a human over der and i m hapier working wif ks and b2'

i mean it and tt's how pissed i m wof my work now....

still so busy

haiz
tot the when half the bn go roc, i can slag...
but it dun seem to b the case...
still quite busy thou some work i jux dun feel like doing
read alot dix few daes...newspaper, economists etc...feel gd

finali haf a chance to met up wif the guys..
ie ben, des, enyu, jy, yuhao n cc...
haven seen dem for some time...

woh dix mth i spend 600plus...reali went on a spending spree
tink next mon will b the same...
OMG...