is this true???

Follow your heart when falling in love.
Follow your mind when its time to leave.

tt's e advice my buddy gave me...
thx buddy...

y m i so curious

y m i so fucking curious????
curiousity kills e cat n spoil my mood last night
yest my mood was bad...or sld i sae i m feeling low...
cos i miss going out wif her or just c her face
so last night i din reali tok to her...
cos i wan to ignore...i dun like e feeling where i can tok but carn c e face or knowing tt e ban is still der
mayb last wk caused me to get addicted to meeting her...
so i wan to force myself to forget her....to lose dis addiction....
how i wish i can follow my heart all e time even thou sometimes it's wrong to follow e heart cos u will hurt others
but it's tiring to follow ur mind...
last night she asked me where is e concourse cos she wants to go der to get something
so i curious
so i asked wat she wants to get...
she sae lightsticks...den i guessed correctly wat e lightsticks r for...
but i still ask to confirm it...
suicide move...
cos i became v sad after tt...
not bcos i m jealous of her bf....
but cos i tot of my bdae last yr...
wondered how i wld spend my 20th bdae wif her if we were still together..
wat surprise will she gave me...will it b so xi xin like wat i did for her n wat she's doing for her bf now...
n e lightsticks...how i wish i got a chance to do it for her...
my heart sae i wan to c her
my heart sae i wan to go out n splurge today....
my mind sae i sldn't c her....i sldn't waste my money litat....
which sld i follow???
mind or heart????
can some1 teach me???
i m lost once again

THE DAY

if last wk was a dream, i tink yest i tot i was in heaven ba....
but at e day went by, i was sent from heaven to hell....
fulfilled 1 dream n a promise yest....
told her tt actuali during e period when i cleared leave in feb, one of e things i wanted to do is to gif her a surprise by buying breakfast to her hse n to c e smiling face when she first woke up...
n i managed to do tt yest....
n e dream is abt me cuddling together wif e ger i like on a raining day, not wanting to wake up....
everything we did was so nice but still must wake up in e end.....
was reading my bk while she did her own things...b4 we went out to china square to eat...n to marina to shop....
as e day comes to an end, i was v sad, it's like knowing tt u haf to bk in but u dun wan to....
cos u dun wan wat's beautiful to end....
i still dun understand y we lost control yest of ourself....
guessed it's bcos for e 1st time since so long, both of us followed our hearts n not our mind....
when i called her at ard 9plus at night, she was giving me a cold shoulder n i sort of got e hint....
so i told her tt i will stop all dis stupid things.....den she sent me a email letter....
shocked to c e letter but not shocked by e things she wrote inside....
next we had an almost 3hrs tok on e phone....
i had tears in my eyes when i was telling her how i felt during e times when i was in taiwan....
i got e feeling tt somewhere in e conversation, she at least had tears in her eyes....
n finali she answered something tt i had always wanted to noe...
which is how she wld like me to react on 21 nov 05 tt night.....
she sae i gave her e feeling tt i dun like her enuf n tt wif e decision i made, she felt tt she's not impt enuf to me....
which is all wrong n i reali hoped i can turn back times n if given another chance i wanted to make her feel like she's a princess...
she sae tt for dis past few wks, i reali made her felt like a princess, e feeling was so intense tt no one ever gave her such feelings b4...
but i m not doing much i noe...
if given a chance, i wld reali like to make her feel like a princess.....
e chat was v long...but i m glad tt we tok abt our feelings from 21 nov 05 til now..
she told me tt she wanted some time to b alone to sort out her tots...
n sae perhaps she wont c me dix wk...
i granted her wish, even thou i hope she dun take so long...
i will b strong, i dun wan to make her worried abt me n i wont breakdown like how her bf will
but tt doesn't mean i dun like her as much as her bf does...
she was angry wif me for a while yest too cos i teased her for being short...perhaps i had really grew taller...
cos she really seemed abit shorter...but tt doesn't mean my love for her decrease...
it was fun trying to tease her den cheer her up, asked her dun b angry...
u sae u wanted to bring me to eat alot of things....
will we eva had a chance to do tt?
bcos i told u b4, e higher my hopes, e greater my disappointment will b...
tt's y i dun wan to tell u my plans for e period of time when i cleared leave

it's not possible to haf e best of 2 worlds

went for facial on thur...
wakao, e extraction damn painful, almost wanted to ask e lady to stop...
she sae until like my skin condition super jialat...reali so bad meh?
dun care la...cos i noe recently i haf not being sticking to my face washing regime diligently cos i m abit sian...
so guess it's time to start taking care of it again...
i got alot of things tt i want to buy...
n with such a huge financial injection tt i got a few wks ago, i really got e temptation to splurge...
luckily i m controlling myself...
guess i sld sit down n write down e things i wan n c which is more impt....
i had being wondering if i had changed since i was awarded e keppel scholarship...
i hope i m still e old qiyang....i guess so ba...
woke up at ard 6:30am on fri morning to go send her to work...
cos i noe she's a bit sad tt she carn c me on thur nite...
n yA she was shocked to c me on fri morning...but guessed she was happy...
like wat she told me last night, wheneva she wan to c me, i didn't turn up...wheneva she's not expecting to c me, i will pop up from nowhere...
had a 1 hr 51 min 54 sec chat wif her last night....
nowadays, it seem tt we can tok abt anything under e sun, even those sensitive topics and we reali told each other how we feel....
if last wk was gd, i guess dix wk i was in dreamland....
saw her 3 times....felt like we were together again..even she sae tt she felt like a couple...
jux tt in real life, we r not...she sae tt e feeling is even beta den those she had back den when she was with me....
she sae tt it's being super long since she had such a wonderful chat with anyone...
basically i guess none of us wanted to end e conversation but it was getting real late liao....
she sae she's confused n ask me wat i will do if i was her...
i sae follow her heart, choose someone tt she can c future wif....
n i keep telling her e knight can only b a knight n neva a prince...
hope dis made her less confused...
jux leave it to fate ba

i learnt how to make tissue flowers 2dae

yeah...finali went for ward 12 volunteer prog again after 3 wks of recovering...
glad to c dem again...n i learnt how to make tissue flowers...
quite nice...made 2 den a patient made 1 n gave to me...
so i decided to gave e 2 flowers i made to winnie cos i m meeting her after tt...
tink will b a nice surprise n yA she liked it alot...
n thx to e flowers i gave her, i got to send her home cos she got no more hands to carry for heavy stuff....
had abit of fun..haha...but i dun wan to blog abt it here...will keep e sms to remind myself of e nice moment...
had being meeting up wif her quite often...but tink wont haf much chance in e future...
dun ask me how i came to such conclusion...cos i oso duno..
but i guessed no matter how touched e princess is, a knight can only b a knight n not a prince...
den again, i enjoyed myself 2dae....

im tinking abt alot of things

actuali i dun noe how to explain my tots now...
had a bad dream last night..dreamt tt my sis murdered someone n i m going to lose my sis foreva....n i hate e feeling...
den it made me wondered tt if i had treated my sis well enuf..
well it's true tt i bought her alot of things she like...but m i knowing her well enuf???
i guess der's alot of room for improvement...
while e dream reali scared me, at least it made me realise one thing...
i hate to lose any 1 tt's impt to me...
tt's y i sms winnie in e morning to tell her to take care of herself
cos i guess i dun wan to lose her too...
had dinner wif her again...
dix time at bukit timah...e 3rd time we had being der....
n e silly ger sae she got craving for western food...
n i managed to guess which western food she always eat...haha
e dinner was nice...in fact every moment i had wif her was nice...except for 21 nov night...
while i mux admit tt i still regret e decision i made tt night...
but i accepted e fact tt i can only b her knight n not her prince....
she sae tt she's a soft hearted ger....
i noe tt...she sae tt she's touched by my actions cos she sae even some bf dun do such things
but so wat if she's touched...
while i still dream i can make up for wat i did to her...
but i nvm wanted to cum in between dem....
i alr felt so bad tt dey quarrel often bcos of me....
but felt her bf sld b relieved at e fact tt she had chosen him...
n he sld haf basic trust in his gf...
envy him tt he got a nice ger...cos she's e type of ger tt u noe u can settle down wif n e type of guai ger all parents like to c....
n he sld noe every body has a past...
wat's impt is now n e future...
i jux hope dey dun quarrel so often over me or any other matter...
n mayb i can only b e knight tt will always protect e princess
n b der only when she needs him....while e knight carries on wif his own life....

it was a nice chat, isn't

last night was nice...hmm...tink it's more den nice....
had a v long chat wif winnie from ard 1plus to ard 3plus..close to 4am....
tot i nvm had e chance of chatting wif her for so long....
duno y but jux had e feeling tt eva since we broke up, we carn chat for long over e phone or face to face cos will feel awkward....
n tt it's beta to chat on msn or thru sms....
so i was surprised tt i cld chat wif her for so long last night n it was an enjoyable chat...thou we did touch on some sensitive topics....
told her how i felt abt certain things like actuali i was hoping tt she will cum visit me when i was injured n she told me actuali she wanted etc but a few things was holding her back...
den she used a v cute tone to ask me if i was angry wif her for not cuming to visit me when i was injured...so cute n sweet lor e voice...
den she told me tt everytime she n her bf mentioned abt me, dey will confirm quarrel...
n actuali i felt bad in a certain way tt dey quarrel over me...
partly bcos i reali got dix hatred for quarrel...
n she told me tt actuali her bf did request her to ignore me foreva...
which is something tt i can understand but will nvm ask my ger to do so...
i noe tt she like her bf...but some how or rather, i had e feeling tt a small part of e reasons y she wif him is bcos she noe tt her bf will break down if she's not wif him n she dun wan to c her bf breakdown...
so i was asking myself is it true love anot...i duno..i din ask her..
mayb i will ask her one day....
tink she's like e sophie in e 7pm show on channel u from wed to fri
cos she got a prince n a knight....
suddenly felt der's some similarity between me n owen....i told her tt....
she asked if i eva wanted anything in return for everything i did for her...
n i sae jux treat me as ur gd fren, cum to me when u haf prob, let me noe when u need someone to b der, dun ignore me, haf meal occassionally...
went to take a bk from her 2dae after my tuition...
it was a fast one..she passed me e bk n left...
i stood der for a while, tinking abt e past...n finali i decide to head towards e bus stop...
so as usual i will look up to her hse n i was surprised to c her der...
i jux smiled at her n den walked off...
den after i walked for a while, she came running behind me...
so she accompanied me to e bus stop
it was nice chatting wif her at e bus stop...
so nice tt i purposely missed e first bus tt came...
guessed it was a nice wkend...
n tt i carn asked for much....
thx ger=)

keppel scholarship award ceremony...

yesterday was my keppel scholarship award ceremony....at jewel box at mount faber..
quite a nice day.....ideal dating place...for something new....
so naturally i tot of her....
turn out to b a v nice event....not super grand but enuf to make a lasting impression in me...
something tt i will remember for life....
e video was nice...thou i tink my part quite boring...sld haf brought my tkd black belt instead of e bk...but nvm la..it's over liao....
had e chance to tok to e top management n hence in e process neglected my family n edgar....
felt quite bad...
jux glad tt i got e scholarship n tt i m able celebrate dis success wif pple whom i consider impt in my life...
n made alot of contacts...e seniors scholars r so friendly..made us felt so at home...
romell n david even sae dey planning to org a get-togther for e scholars....
can tell tt e scholars r quite close to each other....
so i m glad to b able to join dis big family.....
n i got my 1st cheque from keppel...
a cool $10k....got e urge to spend to pamper myself....ipod video is on my mind....
die die..beta learn how to control myself...if not sure jia lat lor...
hope to get e fotos tt i took yest from keppel...
n e world is small sia..cos one of e scholars is my sis' classmate in jc...
n i got a free ride on e cable car too....
met winnie for dinner after tt....
fish n co at jp...n shocked tt she nvm eat fish n co b4 until yest....
quite a nice dinner...chat, haf fun...tease her for being short etc....
den we took a walk ard jp b4 i sent her back....
sent her back to her door step jux like wat i used to do but wif a diff identity liao....
den ltr she asked me if i will send other gers back like wat i did to her
n my ans is no....den i told her tt she's e 1st person besides my family tt i hope will b safe n happy everything n tt nothing eva happen to her....
perhaps she's oso e 1st person tt i will risk my life saving besides my family if i had to do so....
den she sae something tt surprise me....
she asked if i still luv her as much as b4...
i told her i duno how to ans tt...but deep down in my heart, i guess i do still luv her as much as b4...even thou i keep telling myself tt i mux treat her as a fren...
it's being so long liao....but e feelings is still der....
mayb it's wif her tt i finally learnt tt to like someone, u dun need to b wif her...jux need to noe tt she's safe n happy all e time can liao....
thou it's nice to b able to met up occassionally for a meal....glad tt she gave me e chance to do so...
n super happy to b able to spend one of my most impt days in my life wif her....even thou we r not together liao....

up til now i can still b jealous

got a sms from her in e morning asking me who i tink will win for e match ltr between france n por....
quite shocked tt she wan to bet...cos she not soccer fan
den she sae bet for fun...cos like dis world cup got quite a bit of surprises....
went to get my tie wif apple's help...
in e end, got a red tie..which i tink quite AA but quite nice....
oso i abit heck care e ceremony liao....duno y..abit no mood for it...
den came e small surprise...
i got jealous....abit la...
cos she sae she was like maid for dis past few days...
den i asked her y...so she told me tt her bf was sick for e past few days...n so she had to take care of him....
cum to tink abt it..guessed it's jux her style of showing tt she cared....
still remember tt time jux a wk after we got together, i fall sick...n she brought liang teh for me to drink cos she noe my throat not gd...after her lessons ended...
guessed if she can cum my hse, she will definitely cum my hse n take care of me den....
but now e situation not e same liao...
actuali when i concluded tt it's beta to break ur arm ( esp e right arm if u got a gf ), i had her in mind...cos i dreamt of how nice n how happy i will feel when i break my arm n carn feed myself n she can feed me....
but it's jux a dream....
after dis incident where i dislocated my ankle n torn my ligament, i reali tink tt health is v v v v impt....n i jux hope i stay healthy, illness free, injury free....
jux shocked tt i was jealous jux now...cos i dun get jealous v easili...
so wat does tt mean? i dun wan to noe....

frustrated

i m damned frustrated now!!!!!
my dad seem to know my leg condition beta den i when it's my own body...
tt's y i conclude tt it's beta to injure my hand den my leg...
at least i can still get out of my hse....
wakao lor....i haven being out of my hse since 18jun liao...n i carn take it liao....
thur is my scholarship ceremony....
how i wish she cld b der....but she carn make it cos of work....
mayb i will jux put it as disappointment ba
after all, she's alr not my gf so i carn expect so much from her....
tinking it dis way make me feel beta....
i hope it work tt way.....
me damn pissed now...
duno wat to blog....

haiz...brazil lose

saw e eng match...den went to bed after tt...tinking tt brazil will ko france easili...
but woke up to a shock tt france ko brazil instead...
tt goes my chance of wearing e brazil jersey in e semi final....
so now both my favourite south american team were out of e world cup....
ger vs italy .....france vs portugal.....
i tink it will b a ger vs france final....
n ger will win cos dey r at home...
my leg is getting beta...can do more funni stuff liao...
jux dun let winnie noe can liao...
if not she sae she will scare to death b4 i fully recover
still carn reali run...but can do gentle jumping....tink by next wk sld b ok liao...
i hope....but still need to gif my grading a miss...nvm la...
suck thumb...n gif me e chance to focus on other things first...
when i fully recover, e first thing i wan to do is to go for a run n e first person i wan to c is my grandma...
haven seen her for 2 wks liao...dun tink she can remember me...