y m i so curious

y m i so fucking curious????
curiousity kills e cat n spoil my mood last night
yest my mood was bad...or sld i sae i m feeling low...
cos i miss going out wif her or just c her face
so last night i din reali tok to her...
cos i wan to ignore...i dun like e feeling where i can tok but carn c e face or knowing tt e ban is still der
mayb last wk caused me to get addicted to meeting her...
so i wan to force myself to forget her....to lose dis addiction....
how i wish i can follow my heart all e time even thou sometimes it's wrong to follow e heart cos u will hurt others
but it's tiring to follow ur mind...
last night she asked me where is e concourse cos she wants to go der to get something
so i curious
so i asked wat she wants to get...
she sae lightsticks...den i guessed correctly wat e lightsticks r for...
but i still ask to confirm it...
suicide move...
cos i became v sad after tt...
not bcos i m jealous of her bf....
but cos i tot of my bdae last yr...
wondered how i wld spend my 20th bdae wif her if we were still together..
wat surprise will she gave me...will it b so xi xin like wat i did for her n wat she's doing for her bf now...
n e lightsticks...how i wish i got a chance to do it for her...
my heart sae i wan to c her
my heart sae i wan to go out n splurge today....
my mind sae i sldn't c her....i sldn't waste my money litat....
which sld i follow???
mind or heart????
can some1 teach me???
i m lost once again