2nd dae liao

mon the 13 feb 06 is a date i will nvm eva forget...
cos i did something tt i tot i will nvm do in my life n tt is to wait outside a ger's hse for a ger tt will not c me....maebi she tink i m scary or foolish ba
now is 11:41pm, 15 feb 06...2 daes haf passed...n eva since tt nite, after i saw how she's struggling wif her studies, as i walked back, i wondered to myself if i sld jux let her b n let her conc on her studies first...
2nd yr liao lor...uni studies is impt...if her result is bad bcos of me, i will regret...
she sae her exam is in apr..which is v soon...so i told myself i will try to let her live in peace n dun disturb her...
it's the 2nd dae tt i din initiate any sms, msn or call her....thou she sms me 2dae n we sent a few sms to each other...
2dae nuh replied me...dey sae tt i need to committ at least 2hrs every wk ( on wkdaes) for at least 6 mths if i wan to join dem as a volunteer...
tt's not too big a committment rite?
slp 2hrs less each wk wont die...so guess i will take up the offer...but hope to do it wif someone...her? i guess so ba..but it's jux a dream...
spent more effort trying to teach my cousin math 2dae..hope she understand wat i m teaching...n i will b contented
wanted to buy the puma shoes i haf being eyeing for very long liao n oso a nice big belt...
sld i buy on impulse or sld i buy to make myself hapi? if she's der, she will gif me her advice...
tinking wat sld i get for her bdae..21st bdae mux b special lor...
dun tink i sld get her something practical cos dun tink she will use bcos she dun wan her bf to b sad...wonder has she eva touched b4 or use the adidas 'handbag' tt i brought 4 her in taiwan....she's sae it's nice n she will use it...is it jux to make me hapi den?
maebi i haf worsen e situation such tt she dun even dare to b frens wif me now...
waited for her like 45 min in the afternoon jux to c her eyes...still abit red near the eyeball area...
20plus daes le ba...jux pray it heals fast...tink tt's my wish for now...
one of her sms made me wonder how imperfect n fuck up i was as a bf den...
is she reading my blog now?
seriousli i dun wat she's tinking deep inside her heart...guess she noes wat i m tinking cos i gave her my blog add...
she sae her bf understand her well...but dey haf being together for so long liao...
we din start out as close frens....we were together for 3 mths n 19 daes...gif me more time n perhaps i will noe wat u r tinking even if u dun tell me...
i dun wan to tok to u abt anything
i jux wan to hear her real feelings deep down in her heart all these while from the dae we went to the commissioning parade together...i wan to noe how she felt den n now even when we were not together...
she asked me b4 if i will eva fight hard for the things i wan...i told her no den,
i tried recentli but it scared her off..
guess it's back to wat i believe...if it's meant to be, it will be
in her msn nick, she sae be firmed...
is she following her heart or her mind tt she sld not b so easy xin ruan...
i duno but i can sae she's v firmed now..so firm tt it's still hurting me...esp the 'i dun care' look she gave me 2dae...