i cried again

went to winnie hse in the morning
her right eye still quite bad, but at least she took out her bandage liao
left eye looks ok to me...when i saw her, i duno how to describe the feelings i had...
reali regret gifing her up jux litat
i dun like to regret...we sat der on her sofa n chat
den after tt duno how we ended chatting in her room...
jux b4 i left, i hugged her...i cldn't control myself...n den i pour my feelings out
the feelings tt i kept inside myself for v long...tink i mux haf scared her...we hugged for a while
i carn control myself n she said tt we carn carry on hugging as we will committ other mistakes tt we dun wan to...
she asked y i still carn forget her...i oso duno y my feelings for her is so strong...it's nvm dix strong in the past...perhaps bcos i haf lost her now n i duno how to treasure her in the past?
i took super fast to forget zhilei even thou it was a 2 yrs relationship...dix one is onli 3 mth n 19 dae...perhaps bcos i m realii comfortable when i m wif winnie...perhaps i din bother to try to find other gers i like...i oso carn reali ans her n myself...but tink i haf found an ans after i watched 'i m not stupid too' in the afternoon with mom n sis....

e last time i cried was when i gave up her...carn remember any movie tt made me shed tears 3 times...i tried to control but carn
a v gd movie...realistic...maebi i cried bcos i can relate the movie to my life...
tink alot of parents have communication prob wif their children....e mentality of ' nagging, scolding, caning = care ' is perhaps outdated...u need to walk into their hearts n b frens wif dem
easier said den done...while i have always luv babies, i m quite scared of having a child of my own...duno if i can handle him....
if i haf watch this show earlier, maebi i wld haf chose to b a teacher or a saf regular...
there's no pt earning so much $ n not doing something meaningful...to me, it's gd enuf if i can live comfortably...
it will certainly b super satisfying if i can haf a positive influence on someone's life...like wat happen in the movie..
but dun tink i m cut out to b a teacher...
saf regular..i duno...tink all pple r kind-hearted by nature..n no matter how bad a guy is when he's schooling, he will some what bcum a better person after ns...
tt's something tt i like abt ns...but after wat i haf seen, i m disappointed...cos i dun reali c regulars caring for the life's of the man..tink it's the nsf comds tt care more..i may b wrong...n i certainli hope so...
ltc wong sae i sldn't let my disappointment affect my values n belief n gave up on hope...
i m trying hard...
maebi i can relate to the cripple father in the movie...
reminded me of my father...not bcos he's crippled..but bcos, while i noe he reali luv me, perhaps like the character in the movie, he duno how to show it in a manner tt i can accept...
i mux learnt how to appreciate the care my parents have been showering on me...
i dun like to regret n i dun wan to...
lastli, tink the movie made me realise y i like her so much...
tink in any relationship, communication is v impt...
i feel i can communicate wif her...feel she's my soulmate...someone whom i can reali tok to...
even des n gang isn't reali my soulmate...tink dix is y i felt so comfortable in the relationship tt i hate to give up ba...
she's my soulmate...e onli one i had found in 20yrs...
but it takes 2 hands to clap...tink i m not her soulmate ba...
she said tt she's hapi wif her life now n hapi being wif her bf...
maebi she found her soulmate in him?
like the way i found my soulmate in her...
while i haf lost her...is it a bit late to noe y i reali like her so much...
i guess so ba

tink i mux go starbucks again...
too many things haf happened n i suddenli not sure wat's the path in front of me n how i sld lead my life...
i will sort it out...