so disappointed

dix wk, i reflect alot...
all bcos of 1 incident where me, rod and woo tien gana fuck by s3 for not clearing soc...
suddenli dix whole bn is abt results...nothing but results...e same dae, chief clerk bitch abt a mistake tt s3 br made n she's worried abt her hr audit results....

i m not a result-oriented person and i nvm will be...
if u tell me tt passing my soc is for my own gd, i will pass it..
but if u tell me tt passing soc is jux for the results, i wont do it cos e emphasis is wrong..
result sld onli b a by-product,
if all believe tt passing soc is for their own gd, all will pass soc and the results will b gd, not e other way round..

n dun tell me offr dun pass soc no pride..n dun jux tell tt to the 2LTs...
when the cpts and maj haven pass their own soc, so they got pride?
dun set double standards..

bcos of the wrong emphasis on results, pple start to cheat...some noe how to cheat, some dun
so some got caught and some got away scot-free....
when we commissioned, we swear tt ' i will seve with pride, honour and INTEGRITY'
but after 1 yr of experience as a commissioned officer, tink the officer core is the one tt dun have much integrity...
sms audit, LRI, hr audit...almost all the documentations are faked...all for e sake of results...
tinking back, how i wish i din fake those things and made the safety syst in the bn look so gd when it is not so gd in the first place...
i felt disgraced and tt i have been a bad officer that doesn't hold on to my moral values and the things i swear by when i commissioned on 23rd jan...

tinking back, y did i choose to b an officer? cos i wan to make a difference...i m not a regular, i m onli an NSF and i jux wan to serve the nation well during my NSF time...
i did not acheive wat i wan...i haf been blinded by the need and pressure to make the bn look gd tt i forgot the main reason of becoming an officer...i m given the rank to make the diference n to correct things tt i tink it's wrong

i m going to pass my soc b4 i let out my feelings...S2 n wong weng kong noe how i feel...
hope it's not too late to atone for my wrongdoings...
now i have seen the light and it's v clear to me wat i wan to do
i dun wan to do any more things tt is against my values and the reason y i commissioned..
i dun haf much time left...i will try to make a difference and correct the things tt i tink it's wrong...i dun care abt the consequences...